Today is the second anniversary of California's Stay at Home Order. Reflecting on that time of deep uncertainty, relative isolation, and fear I cannot help but appreciate our collective resilience. Mid March 2020, someone suggested that we may need to practice social distancing for two months. I remember thinking in absolute horror and some dramatic flair, "TWO MONTHS?!" As an extrovert, social butterfly, and busy bee, I legitimately did not know how I would survive. Well, here I am, two years later, my life still altered to some degree by the pandemic but miraculously and gratefully alive.
This experience reinforces an idea I've seen play out countless times in my life and the lives of my clients: We are far more resilient than we know. I've seen clients adjust to huge losses and lifestyle changes, e.g. the death of a partner, loss of limb, or inability to independently manage basic daily tasks. That thing, body part, or person you think you can't live without? You probably can. In fact, in spite of anxiety, overwhelm, deep pain, and suffering, you may emerge from adversity strengthened in some ways. Positive Psychology refers to this as Post Traumatic Growth. We may not bounce back per se but we move forward transformed.
Research shows that Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Post Traumatic Growth are not mutually exclusive. You may not be feeling resilient and better than ever. Perhaps you’ve lost someone close to you or are struggling with persistent COVID-related stressors. If so, your continued suffering is valid. As we head into the third year of the pandemic, it makes sense to feel burnout. If you feel up to it, while continuing to hold reverence for your pain, I also invite you to consider ways in which the last two years have shifted your perspective, priorities, or behavior for the better. People report experiencing Post Traumatic Growth in the following domains:
New Possibilities
After a life-changing traumatic event, people often develop new interests, see different opportunities, and follow different life paths. Remember the sourdough phase of lockdown? People took up gardening, home improvement projects, crafts, or other new hobbies. I myself did several puzzles and watched every single movie in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. There was the Great Resignation and many people considered changing careers. I received several calls from friends interested in becoming a therapist.
Relating to Others
People tend to lean on others in times of great need. We may have more willingness to vulnerably express ourselves and thus feel emotionally closer to others. We may have more compassion and make more effort in our relationships. I organized Zoom calls with high school and college friends I hadn’t seen in years. Communities expressed support of healthcare workers in earnest and creative ways. There were ubiquitous “Thank You Health Care Workers!” signs and, at least in my neighborhood, people howled like wolves every evening at 8:00 pm for months. With some distance from lockdown, the howling strikes me as very strange but hearing the neighbors bellowing from their doors and windows made me feel part of something larger and connected to my community.
Personal Strength
Individuals emerge from challenging experiences often feeling more self reliant and confident in their ability to cope with what life throws their way. After weathering the recent ups and downs of the pandemic, politics, and climate catastrophes, I am increasingly confident in my mental fortitude and ability to take things in stride. Whenever an (yet another) unexpected thing comes along, I joke that I am ready for an alien invasion. A little green man showing up at my doorstep? Yeah, sounds about right after the past few years we’ve had.
Existential and Spiritual Change
Tragedy often calls into question our deepest values and beliefs. If a crisis of faith is adequately resolved, people can feel a deepened sense of purpose or being held by something larger than themselves.You too may have been reflecting on the BIG questions over the past two years. Why am I here? What is my purpose? What is most important? What can I live without? I made a commitment to prioritize self expression, have courage, and put my work out there. If there was no pandemic, I do not think I would be sharing these words with you now.
Appreciation of Life
We appreciate life the most when death is near. Almost one million people in the US have died of COVID. Many of us lost loved ones. I’ve worked with clients who almost died and feel as though every remaining day is a gift, an extra bonus. I have never been so consistently grateful for my health and the health of my loved ones. The lull of lockdown during the early pandemic forced me to find joy in the simplest of pleasures. It felt like a magical time in some ways when traffic diminished, smog cleared, and the birds seemed to sing louder. Mostly confined to my small apartment, daily neighborhood walks, and the flower blossoms and friendly cats who I met along the way, became a source of awe and wonder.
In spite of lingering burnout, have you grown in some ways over the past two years? How have you or your relationships changed? What did you learn about yourself? Are there habits that you developed in the pandemic that you would like to maintain? Consider journaling about your reflections. Or contact me to schedule phone or video-based therapy or coaching sessions to explore these themes further. Stay safe and healthy.